Numerous things have happened since my last entry more than a year and a half ago...
The biggest change in my life is that I no longer have my father...he died on October 17, 2010 about a week after I saw him after being sick since June 2010, (probably longer but he didn't really want to see his doctor until it was really obvious that he was really ill).
My father being gone is perhaps the most grounding thing that could have happened to me...
Suddenly most things that seemed to bother me are trivial now.
He always told me that I should get used to stress, because it will always be present.
I am trying to learn how to do that....the practice of Anesthesiology will always have intense moments that's certain.
I will always be most grateful for the opportunity I had to see my father for the last time. I hadn't seen him in 9 years but when I talked to him on September 22, 2010 he asked me to come home and said December was too late (my next certain vacation). So I told my attendings (bosses), I really needed to go home and bought my ticket home...
My father was as loving as usual, thoughtful, stubborn...but he also looked much older than I remembered, frail and tired.
We had great conversations about things he probably felt he couldn't talk to anyone else about...some things we left unsaid because they were not important anymore.
What surprised me the most was that he said he was surprised that I had come....he must not have known how much I loved him and still do....
The list of people who have my have heart is very short and he was on that list.
I am just glad, so very glad that I had the chance to say goodbye to the one of the two people who was/is to central to who I am.
He was an amazing father and man....
