The Great Chase...

What do we look for in life? We look for success, love, joy...and other intangible things. However, it amazes me that when we do find some of these things, we do all we can to ruin them or lose them. Are we ever satisfied? We are like the dog with the bone that loses the bone due to greed while crossing a bridge. We lose sight of the dreams we have achieved because suddenly they seem less significant. Perhaps we think because they are atainable, there must be more we can reach for and actually touch. Is it possible for us to actually stop and enjoy all we have before wanting more? Maybe the chase is more fun, or maybe it is what we are accoustomed to.

Just a thought.

Stop. Breathe. Look.Smile.Reflect.

A night on the town I

So it's three in the morning and I just got back from having soooooo much fun! I had to write just to see what I write while tipsy. So I went to a club and danced my little heart out. You must commend my dedication because half a bottle of champagne and some smirnoff later, here I am, writing.

So what was the club like this time? Fun, of course. Great music, I danced the entire time I was there. And I also came up with a phrase or a term, call it what you may, I don't care at this time. It's freaking three in the morning. So the newly created phrase is...."seasoned-fockers", well replace the 'o' with a 'u'. A "seasoned focker" is a male at the club who is older perhaps upper-twenties or lower-thirties and one who has been in the club-scene a while and knows which girl is likely to fock him or not. This type of male knows he won't get any from me (I appear highly intelligent, because I am) and so he merely stares but is obviously thinking of a roll in the hay as he stares. So in my tipsy state as I noticed these experienced males, I coined the phrase "seasoned focker", you like it? I knew you would. Anyway, I had fun, I hope you did too.

Have a goodnight or goodmorning my fellow bloggers or blog-readers!

On being a girl...

So it's friday, I am alone at home and happily so. Watching Sex and the City, Season Six. Talk about having a life. But what is one to do while working on a thesis? Yes, a thesis. Alright, I would really rather be with my love. It is strange to feel that way, because until now, I have been the independent girl, loving the "alone and free to do whatever", but now I am all sappy and lovestruck. Yes, ladies and gentlefolk, I am in love, and it is wonderful.

Hmmm, I should return to my thesis...Kisses

I reserve the right...

I reserve the right to change my mind and accordingly those who know me should not be shocked when I do so. I can change my mind about my views on anything and will not explain it to anyone. This is part of being a seahorse (me). I have never claimed to know everything, though I am usually right. So when I learn something, about myself, life, and the world, I may adjust my life, views as needed. So do not think I am fickle if I decide I love what I despised yesterday; just smile and keep doing what you ought to be doing.

Hooray!

Yes, I am brimming with ecstatic joy! You want to know why? I bet you do! I am going to medical school. For those who do not know, this is not a walk in the park, in the USA anyway. This is going to be a year of hard work and a little sleep, but that is nothing new. This is the beginning of my life in the books, the end of the sex that never really started (sob)...the end of brain-stagnating television shows that I watch as faithfully as I would ...(hmmm I don't do a lot faithfully). So anyway, be utterly thrilled for me! Smile for a month if you have to. And I will make sure I utilize this opportunity to educate myself so I can make you smile when your little Mickey breaks a limb or two...

Life and Love

I am writing to myself and others that read this...LOVE everything that is good. People, books, food, art, music...

Love it all...and don't care so much what people might think.

I will try to do that same.

I am not Scrooge

Before you knight me as the Ebenezeria Scrooge of our generation, I will tell you about the value of Christmas, to me. It is a time to celebrate and love one another because JC does. Some how we have made it the time for us to get temporary amnesia about our financial crisis and splurge. I myself have suffered from this self-inflicted amnesia, however the pain that hit me after January first was too great for me to have a repeat performance. So now I keep things in perceptive, I say "I love you" more often during Christmas, smile more and then have my sanity and the ability to pay my bills in January. All this to say...I am a sorry student with a sorry bank balance. Merry Belated Christmas to you! Hah!

Insomniac

In my sleeplessness, I had wonderful entries prepared for today. I was going to write my little heart out (I have a small fist, therefore my heart must be small). To my dismay, here I am drawing a blank. What was that grand idea I had? Really need some memory drugs, something to help me remember important things. Well, now I am at work and surviving on 3 hours of sleep. (yawn)...

(Laughing)

I love comedy, no I don't mean sappy British comedy but Seinfeld stuff. That is relentless and unforgiving. It laughs blatantly at others and enjoys it. Does this make me a horrible person? I am witty to a fault, I make lame jokes that I only wish could make me as popular as Ellen, minus the homosexuality. (I hear the male is much too precious for me to opt for a same sex partner.)Ahem.

Anyway where was I? Ah, yes, comedy. So, I love comedy that celebrates both our weaknesses and strengths but mostly our weaknesses. Isn't it the acknowledgement and laughter at our humanness and flaws that allows us to live another day?

Well it's early in the morning (1.00am) and I should be resting my pretty big head now, yes my head is pretty and it's big. haha, I crack me up. Ahem, excuse the lame joke. Is it safe for one to be one's own best fan, because I am mine.

Two Thousand and Four

I can't freaking believe it! The year is almost over! Bloody painful year it has been. No actually, it was bittersweet. Love, pain, laughter, tears...the whole nine yards. If I wasn't so reserved or paranoid I would tell all the sordid details, but I have this idea that I will be famous and then all my revelations could bite me in the ass. So I will spare any possible eyes that ravenously read blogs from the life of the dancingseahorse! hah!

So this year I learned that I should send e-mails to people I love more frequently than every six months. It takes a death for me to see that. Talk about dumbass. When I hurt I tend trivialize my pain and loss, as I am doing at this moment. Anyway the person I lost will never be replaced.

This year I actually learned how lovable I am too. I mean this guy just landed into my space and just loved me. I am usually confused though, I think he loves someone I know and not me. I simply think I am far too difficult to love and yet here is one who has not found that out, yet. As I am now accustomed to being twice deeped in love, what a raw ball of emotion I will be if he ever discovers that I am difficult and a little unbearable. Okay this is not low self-esteem. It's not! It's just an allergic reaction that flares up now and then from being tossed around by some thoughtless imbeciles.

Anyway, Happy New Year to me, and those who read this blog. I hope you had less pain and more laughter than I did this past year.

Be great, be glamorous, be creative, be lovely, want it all dammit!

Metro Life

There is a woman I see several times a week as I wait for the subway. She has raised my curiosity but I dare not satisfy it. However, I will state what raised it in the first place...

She sometimes wears a hijab (Muslim head dress) and she does not sometimes. This is puzzling because, I wonder so is she Muslim some days and not on others?

Another thing she does which leaves me both disgusted and amazed is that she can spit. She spits further than any woman I have ever seen. After seeing this several times, "I thought maybe we can start the Spitolympics." I bet she would be one of the finalists.

Living in the metropolis as I do, I see the strangest things but keep walking because...well it is part of living in the city. This afternoon a woman who probably had waited or ran to catch a bus watched the driver shut the door in her face. All she could do was scream obscenities at the driver as he pulled away...It was also avery cold and windy afternoon and waiting for a bus is especially unpleasant at such times. He (the driver) controlled his little world (the bus) and, must have felt great. Let's hope the bus to heaven won't be driven by him...assuming we will be taking a bus to heaven...

The Statue of David

Have you seen the statue of David? It is the standard for what a male should look like. The legs, the torso, the derrire...yes it is wonderful. So I think that Michangelo knew what the male body ought to look like. It's 2:26 in the morning and I am watching something about Italy, David just happen to be part of the documentary. Before you point out my shallow, superficial opinion, I fully appreciate great art which is what the statue of David is. However, I still maintain that it sets the standard of what the male should look like. So there.

Just wondering

Do you ever wonder what Eminem will rap about when he runs of things that make him mad? I mean he rapped about his mother, his ex-wife, the current administration...what's next? Perhaps he will rap about the ridiculous pepto-bismol advertisments or maybe about the annoying Fox News casters...I guess we will see.

the shadow

she wonders about him sometimes, she is never sure what to think of him. he is a like a shadow that she notices on a hot summer day. he seems to remind her of herself...that can't be though. he is, after all, male. because he is merely a shadow, she never dwells on the fact that he does exist. she is afriad of building castles in the air, so she doesn't. she merely watches the shadow and enjoys its antics. she is, "taken"...by the shadow.

Crossroads

I have once again reached the crossroads of my life when I start to wonder whether I am good at anything. I wonder what I will do with the rest of my life. I wonder whether the path I have been trodding is the right on. I have had this idea of what my life should be like and what mark I wanted to leave in the world, but daily that mark fades. Obstacles seem to choke my dreams and cloud my vision. I feel like I am grappling in the dark for something that will prove that my life accomplishments thus far weren't all for nothing. I hate to blame "the universe" for messing with me lately, so I look for faults within myself. I am responsible for what I am, who I am and how I am perceived. So I wonder, what the hell have I been portraying?!!! Hmmm granted I have been told that I am only in my early twenties and that I have time to figure out what I want to do. I would prefer to be doing what I want to do for the rest of my life or at least have an idea what it is!!!..... Darn these crossroads

My Mind

The dust settles and the noise becomes a distant memory, I wonder whether the vague memory really is a memory. Could it be a mere dream that I, in my desperation, created? I wonder whether the lingering honey drops are really as sweet as they seem. My mind has a way of adding beauty to even the foulest of things so, I am uncertain of the figures it presents to me. This may sound like absolute madness but who can claim they have not been deceived at least once by their mental wondering? And so I look at the honey-sweetened memories and wonder if they really are mere dreams I created...

A New Day

The gloom hangs over her head...obstructing the light. So in her opaque cocoon she broods over inexplicable terms of endearment. Today she is covered in a cloud that she can't escape. She wonders how this cloud appeared without warning and how she can dispose of it. Today she is concerned about that which she didn't know of a few weeks ago...

This is what a new day brings forth...the unexpected.

Nyquil

If you ever want to have a conversation where you are suddenly Catwoman's accomplice or where you can suggest setting a car on fire, have some Nyquil. I do not take acoholic drinks so when I took some Nyquil (for a sore throat) and decided to have a conversation some absurd things took place. I am sure the other person enjoyed talking to the highly intoxicated me...I on the other hand tried hard to make sense of the conversation and chipped in my two-cents of setting cars on fire.

The last time I took Nyquil, I decided to watch The Lord of the Rings. Since then I have come to personally know Frodo and have had an encounter with Shmigo. Now who can ever claim such? Thanks to Nyquil, my life has been vibrant! I have met Frodo Baggins, been Catwoman's accomplice and suggested a car be set on fire. I think I will send a letter to the makers of Nyquil to thank them and suggest that they increase the alcohol content to fifteen percent rather than the ten percent...

However, as a control freak, I hope not to get more sore-throats that will require the usage of Nyquil. It is absurdity in a bottle...who thought bluish-green medicine was brilliant anyway?!

Hmmmm

Okay so anyone who has read my posts might wonder if there is anything more to me besides being a lovaholic, dreamer, food-lover and whatever else you see through my words. I will add to this list by mentioning my curiosity. I am curious about people and how they think and make decisions. I am intriguied by irrational behavior. I probably act irrational at times but not without my knowlegde or consent. Yeah, I think most people are surprised at their reactions but when I react I am fully aware of my actions....unfortunately. So unlike the average person I can't claim ignorance for my actions. This might stem from the fact that I like to be in control. This goes to the extent of not fearing for my life when I am in danger...simba "I laugh in the face of danger, ha ha ha" (yes I love Disney).

Hence I wonder how and why people apologize claiming ignorance....hmmm but then maybe I am just wierd. Well maybe I should try being reckless without knowing I am being reckless. (This won't happen as I avoid all intoxicating substances...except chocolate).
That was my thought and now back to what I do best...learning.

Days...

The days never seemed shorter, faster, exciting as they do now. The sun seems brighter even blinding on a cloudy day. The rain drops more refreshing pounding against my body. The breeze seems lighter, tender like a kiss, only more fleeting. The smell of flowers is more intoxicating than ever before. I feel the grain of sand on the beach more acutely, and my morning showers are more cleansing...I think you have awakened my senses.